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In the Company of Women: Indirect Aggression Among Women: Why We Hurt Each Other and How to Stop, by Pat Heim, Susan Murphy, Susan K. Gol
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In the Company of Women explains how indirect, or "relational," aggression can hurt women and hinder them from achieving success and harmony in their adult lives. Gender studies have shown that when a goal is in sight, men generally use direct action to attain it. Women, on the other hand, have been socialized to express aggressive actions through indirect means-using behavior such as shunning, stigmatizing, and
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With startling insights into the meaning of our everyday behavior, this book offers straightforward techniques to change conflict among women into cooperation by resolving discords peaceably, building relationships, and making the most of women's unique leadership and communication skills.
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- Sales Rank: #332689 in Books
- Published on: 2003-05-26
- Released on: 2003-05-26
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.90" h x .90" w x 6.10" l, .82 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 352 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Now that women own nearly 50% of all businesses, the authors reason, women's worst enemies at work are just as likely to be other women. To support their thesis, which may offend some readers but will also generate attention, the authors both business consultants address differences between women's and men's behaviors. Declaring that women should be more conscious of their reaction if other women try to undermine a promotion or honor coming their way, they suggest, "that's the price we have to pay for the strong alliances we make with other women." This provocative, practical book deserves a wide readership.
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
Review
Every women who works should read this groundbreaking book. -- Clair Raines, co-author of Generations at Work
Powerful, eye-opening, smart reading. -- Susan Estrich, author of Sex and Power
What a terrific and inspirational read! -- Judy George, author of The Intuitive Businesswoman
About the Author
Pat Heim, Ph.D., is an internationally known speaker and consultant.� Her Los Angeles firm, Heim & Associates, has been providing services in the areas of leadership, communication, team building, and gender differences to hundreds of organizations, including AT&T, the Los Angeles Times, General Motors, the American Medical Association, and Price Waterhouse.� She has a Ph.D. in communication from the University of Colorado.
Susan Murphy, Ph.D., MBA, is the president of Energy Engineering, Inc. Heim and Murphy speak about workplace gender issues to more than 50,000 individuals each year.
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Turning Female Conflict in HIerarchial Settings into Powerful Alliances is also a fit subtitle
By Ralph
Of the several books off Amazon I've ordered and read on women's abuse of other women, this is the most insightful because it includes citation of scientific research into female primate behavior and brain biology and theories of the human female drawn from that. This research reminds us all that women, while having some powers superior to female primates like chimpanzees-- with whom we share about 94% of the same genes--are, after all, animals living in a jungle struggle for survival and that as the rules or format of the jungle changes, we change what we feel we must do in order to survive. Female primates engage in teamwork to protect the young, often from male predators, so one theory espoused in this book is that female human primates expect other human female primates to remain in a teamwork mode and not suddenly "pull rank," as it were, through advancement in hierarchial workplaces.
When a women advances hierarchically she breaks the "Power Dead Even" rule, the authors say, that this causes destructive gossip, backbiting, snubbing, exclusion, and other toxic behaviors among former female peers. The CEOS and scientific researcher who authored the book devote a few chapters at the end giving lots of tips for how women in the workplace who are moving up in the hierarchy or have moved up can manage those destructive behaviors or diminish them; and these are things male CEOs need to be aware of also. I feel the clarity and research in this book are commendable and that what is learned here applies to all setting in which modern women today find themselves with other women--to church settings, volunteer work settings, and other settings that are similar to the workplace.
05/01/14 -- It would be helpful if the authors would update their book in light of current research and prepare an accompanying workbook to practice skills as well as an accompanying summary of main points and skills in the book. I find the book difficult to take personal notes on and time consuming, although that is not a flaw of the book itself. One bias in the book that I could do without and seems to fuel some criticism of it is the view of women taken. That is, the authors often say "women will be this or that or say this or that" rather blanketly even while recognizing in some instances that a little over half tend to be one way and the other proportion the other way. Obviously women are not all socialized in their families and elsewhere exactly the same way and many copied and use male styles of communication rather than what the authors are dubbing female styles of communication. I don't believe it is stated anywhere that the styles traditionally regarded as female may have evolved also from being in positions subordinate to men in patriarchies. Are those styles then truly "feminine?" This book serves its purpose, still valid today, but could use some updating in that domain as well in my view.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Amazing!
By Amazon Customer
This book is amazing and put so many things into perspective for me. Why hasn't anyone else come up with a book that describes women so well. I've already asked my husband to read the book, and all men should, to understand women at home and at work. Usually when I buy some kind of psychology or self help book I only get through the 1st chapter - they are soooo boring! This book is so well written I couldn't put it down. The book describes why women are the way they are - biologically, how we are raised, why we relate to each other the way we do. I have learned a lot about myself and how I'm raising my daughter. The "dead-even rule" explains how women relate to each other, biologically how women are programmed to help each other for survival and insight such as, "Girls are expected to be humble; they are taught not to take the spotlight but rather to emphasize the ways in which they are just like everyone else while downplaying what makes them special." This statement and others show how socially, what we teach girls later hurts us in the workplace. I not only understand myself and all women better, I'm no longer embarassed to be woman because of our "behavior". There is a reason for it! I cannot say enough great things about this book!! It should be a must-read for highschool and college to get a great perspective on women when we are just starting to figure ourselves out.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Eye opening book!
By Amazon Customer
This book was on my TBR list,, as I was exploring self help titles and pop psychology books. Knowing that the Harvard Business School had recommended it, made me want to read it too. However, seeing only 24 reviews on Amazon made me hold back, thinking perhaps it was not that great after all.
Boy, was I wrong! This is an eye opening book, one where you have so many Aha moments, as you read it. This book not only equips you to deal with women in the professional setting, but also women you may know personally. I did not find anything lacking in this book, as is usually the case with self help books. Many books identify the situation correctly and in sufficient depth, but skimp over solutions. This book does not leave you wanting! It delivers a powerful punch with it's strategies. You'll need to ponder over issues and situations a bit, after reading the advice here, to apply it for your benefit.
I highly recommend this book.
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